This post may end up being a bit long but I want to put a challenge out there to anyone who has the courage to do so. Please read and share this as I really think it is time for us to start making a change. This may offend some and may inspire others. It’s hard to put this out there but I hope I can inspire others.
A few years ago I made some huge life changes, I turned the page in a chapter of my life that had dealt me a lot of pain, betrayal, heart ache and strength. Yet somehow mustered up the courage to move forward, take a risk. What I didn’t know was that wouldn’t be the hardest part of my journey and my climb had just started. I came from a community where I had a lot of roots, amazing friends and family and had an amazing support system I didn’t even know I had until my journey started. I made it through something I never thought I would thanks to the amazing people in my life. At this point, I thought I could face anything, I was strong, I could handle anything thrown at me, I felt accomplished and courageous.
The next part of my journey is where I would stumble. I didn’t know how steep the climb would be and how defeated I would feel at times. I relocated my kids and I to a new town, to start a new chapter in our lives. Within the first few months, things didn’t go as planned but they never do. I had several challenges ahead, adjusting to a completely new life, nothing in my life was the same. Everything had changed. Leaning on the hope that no matter what I had my beautiful amazing kids and the man I had always had a deep connection with by my side. At first, I could still see the top of the mountain, I was climbing, nothing was going to stop me. After all I wanted this more than anything. Yet the air kept getting thinner, as I try to adjust to a new area, a new life and integrate into a new area.
Over the last two years, I have managed to lose myself in the battle of what people think, how people see me, and how others respond to me. I didn’t know how others treated me or made me feel would drive me to my knees. The mountain I was climbing began to feel impossible and I would lose sight of the mountain top I was striving to reach. Where I used to be able to hold my head high, I began to drop it in defeat as I got dirty looks from people I don’t know, people scanning me up and down and then whispering to the person next to them, people comparing me to others whether I may be an upgrade or a downgrade for the person I had sacrificed my entire world, roots and security to be here. Allowing myself to fall into the comparisons trap as well. Once you get sucked into that it becomes an endless sea of trouble, you will never be good enough. To a point where I started making myself a prisoner in my own home, not wanting to go to the grocery store in the town I live, not wanting to be out in the community I live in, getting anxiety when being introduced to anyone as I was becoming anxious of their reactions. I started hating myself for everything I was not instead of loving myself for everything I strived so hard to be. I couldn’t understand why no one wanted to give me a chance, no one wanted the opportunity to know who I am or what I am about, I was instantly just what they assumed I was. I have let this beat me down over and over for the last two years. I have continued to pick myself up over and over wondering what was wrong with me. I have let it eat any value I felt for myself, making me feel not good enough, I have allowed it to get in the way of who I truly am and have allowed it to make me feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.
It has just been recently when it finally hit me, that no one should have that kind of power over me. We as humans all struggle with some sort of insecurities, we all struggle with different issues. We all have weakness and we all have strengths and that’s what makes us, US. We all have stories to tell and things we are not proud of, we all have shame, we all have hurt, we all have experiences that make us and break us. Yet instead of embracing one another, instead of leaning on one another and building one another, people tend to make someone else uncomfortable, judge or talk about others negatively. I have allowed others to take my worth from me. I am not going to allow myself to fall victim to that anymore. I will walk proud and hold my head high, those who judge me, look me up and down in disgust, I will smile at and be kind to. I will no longer drop my head in defeat, let my anxious heart beat out of my chest when I meet someone new and no longer confine myself to my home because people don’t want to give me a chance or come outside their own comfort zones and really see who I am. All this time, I felt I just have to prove to everyone who I am, yet I don’t have anything to prove, I will let my actions and reactions do my speaking.
Within the last few months, I have a small group of woman who all face different struggles and challenges, each morning we encourage each other in the areas we are weaknesses, we use our strengths to build one another up and help each other to see the best in ourselves, to support areas that makes us have fear, feel hurt, or makes us worry. It makes a big difference.
My challenge to you is this. Build others up, make someone’s day, encourage others to grow, share your weaknesses, share your strengths, your story, your experiences may just help another person who struggles on their journey. Be raw, be real, don’t let your insecurities make you captive and don’t allow them to make someone else feel less than you. It may be a bit out of your comfort zone for a bit to share your stories that bring you shame, bring up past hurts, this is our self-defense to protect ourselves but yet you never know how your self defense may be hurting another. If we work to build each other, we all know no one is perfect, we all make mistakes, we all don’t like something about ourselves, then maybe we could embrace those things we don’t like and allow our insecurities to not bring out the ugly in all of us. Be a person of courage and strength, of dignity and character and take time to make another’s day by a compliment, a smile, a word of encouragement. Let’s not allow ourselves to get caught in the comparison trap, instead pay that person a compliment, you never know what battles they face or insecurities they have hidden within. Sometimes the ones that appear most confident or the ones whose insecurites scream so loud. I know everyone has this within them it just that its outside some of our boxes or comfort zones.
We all are unique and all possess our own beauty. I know they say that beauty comes from ashes, over the last two years I would have said it doesn’t you just remain ash but over the last few weeks I have come to realize, it is at our weakest that we see things the clearest and it makes us humble. I will rise from these ashes and use these experiences in my life to make others feel good about themselves, offer them love and support, those who glare at me and make me uncomfortable I will repay with a kind compliment. Be kind, point out the beauty and good in everyone, after all its all about perspective. This has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. Two years to grasp it. After all beauty is truly reflected on the inside, you will never know ones true beauty till you take the opportunity to see their soul and not judge someone by their outside reflection.
Thank you to those who have always loved me, encouraged me, supported me, believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You are people of courage, strength and beauty. Continue to share that with the world, we all could use the reminder.