The Light On the Hill

” You are the Light of the World. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”  Matthew 5:14-16

Last night was a long sleepless night. This journey has been quite an eye-opening an experience, never have I pondered humanity so much and what makes people tick and why others can be so cold, heartless and self-serving. I have always contemplated my purpose and always wondered what I was intended to do. The last 16 years of my life have been preparing me for just that. God has allowed me to travel thru many paths, allowing me to see all angles of what it is to hurt, what it is to succeed, what it is to fail and what it is to love. Thru many of the struggles, I have always wondered why I still had such a tender heart and why my struggles hadn’t made me bitter or cold but more sensitive and able to empathize.  I always wondered why I could so freely put myself out there and let others hurt me to get back up and do it again.

This last season of my life played out a bit differently, inside, I began to bottle the pain and the judgement and hang my head in shame, my light was burning out and I could no longer be that light, I wasn’t mean or cold, just hurt and it was taking a different grip on me. Instead of standing back up and getting knocked down, I was staying down longer and feeling hopeless and worthless something I really had never experienced before because my faith was always stronger than fear or my doubts. This season, my doubts and fear spoke volumes louder than my faith, the more I tried to grasp it, try harder and wonder why I couldn’t make the change, or why my faith was so weak, I realized, I was going about this the wrong way and this season in my life was meant to refine me for my calling.

This season in my life has taught me that we can’t do anything or fix anything on our own, especially big things, that we need God to shine that light. It has also taught me that sometimes having to go thru these storms can be the most amazing blessing.  Although, I have spent that last two years feeling hopeless wondering why the storm was about to drown me, the growth I have received from it is a priceless gift.

The world has been consumed by darkness, all of us following along because being a light would make us so different. We all have our own hurts, pains and struggles that allow us to make the choice to become bitter, make us angry, make us hate or we could look for the blessing of and the lessons its taught us and how it can make us grow or allow someone else to grow from our trials.

We have become a world where self-serving seems to be the best way to survive in the darkness and not allowing another the opportunity to hurt us seems the easiest way to protect ourselves. We build walls so high that nothing can hurt us or break us down, yet by building these walls in protection of ourselves, we are actually making ourselves prisoners in the walls of our own despair, never allowing light to shine in because that could just be too dangerous. Sadly, the higher the walls, the less light is allowed to shine in and we become consumed by the darkness because that is where we learn to feel comfortable.

Humans were not intended to live in darkness, they were created to feel love, and be loved and give love. The more darkness becomes comfortable our ability to love the way we are intended to love becomes a jaded distorted picture that love is supposed to look like. Love becomes what someone can do for me now and when it no longer serves me I will move on to someone who can do for me what I need and want regardless of how it depletes the other . Love was really meant to serve another without expectation of anything in return. Love was intended to give to someone freely and be self-sacrificing for the growth and smile of another. That is not what the world reflects love to be, it reflects as what’s in for me. We are all striving for the wrong thing but how could we not, no one wants to hurt anymore, no one wants to be rejected especially when as humans we all just crave to be loved and accepted. Being the light in a dark world takes tremendous courage, I am learning that more than ever.

Last night, this thought played over and over in my mind, I thought of a million ways to try to word it but it simply is what it is. To Love or be vulnerable to someone, is like setting yourself on fire, hoping that they will accept you or save you, yet taking the huge risk that they may just watch you burn and never think twice about the courage or strength it took for you to put yourself out there all of you with no walls or barriers and freely give of yourself with no expectations. In today’s world, most people are users, they will take what they can get and walk away, or they will laugh at you and make fun of you for being that different from everyone else or having strong morales or values, they will take your kindness as weakness. Those who try to be the light often feel so defeated that they also just blend into the darkness when they are too tired to keep pushing forward in what seems like a hopeless battle.

We are not supposed to give up and fade into the darkness, we were created to be the light on the hill. We were created to encourage others, love one another and be kind to one another. The path less traveled is always the hardest and not for the weak of heart.t usually the destination it leads to is more beautiful than you imaged and worth the determination and perseverance to get there. Our faith just needs to be nourished and we need always allow it to be bigger than our fears. We can never tire of being the light because God intends us to be the light. We can obtain this by having our faith in him and seeking him when we thing we can no longer keep moving forward, the weight is too much to bear.

I will be honest, I am struggling with this walk daily, it is so hard to put yourself out there for fear of rejection, to be made fun of, or not liked, to be seen different. Yet, I am embracing this because I want to walk in light and although its hard to speak in courage, the feeling is incredible when I can make someone smile, I make someone’s day, I am able to speak words of encouragement for someone who may have needed to hear it that day and it was unexpected for us both. It gives me delight to see God working thru me and in me and I will continue to allow him to do so no matter how uncomfortable this is for me. The reward of making another persons day because I took the risk to burn in front of them  and be real, raw and diffrent makes the risk the rejection, beautiful. The feeling to make another shine or see beauty within themselves or feel encouraged ,if its only 1 in a 100 the rejection of the 99,it becomes worth it.

If we can each take a step forward and try, one person at a time, walls will begin to crack, after a while it is hard to be mean to a person who always is kind and encouraging. If each of us could try and practice this every day, slowly the world might start changing, the light hopefully can start outweighting the dark, we have the power to change the norm. If the world can be transformed by these crazes, why can’t we make kindness, light, encouragment, inner beauty and unselish love be the next world changing craze.

 

 

 

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