The Person You See, The Soul You Don’t

She wakes up to face the morning, another night from being broken-hearted. Her cheeks stained with the tears for the pain others inflict, the losses she has faced and the life experiences that have shattered her. Looking in the mirror, wondering how she got to this place. She washes her face, and practicing the smile she knows she needs to project. She looks in the mirror and sees nothing but the ugly words spoken to her, the times she has failed, she sees the challenge she faces every day, her flaws, her weakness and the exhaustion that is draining her soul. She misses the young girl who saw the world as a challenge, who thought they could accomplish anything life threw at them without a fear in the world. The weight of the world continues to crush her soul but  she won’t let the world see her as weak, don’t let others know their words cut like knives, and that how they treat you is poison that robs you of joy. She knows that if they know the power of what they do, it won’t change their hearts but give them power to continue to destroy her.

She wipes away the tears, takes a deep breath, smiles that fake smile, and walks in confidence although each foot step feels unsure and it feels like the ground below her will fall beneath the weight that she carries. She holds her head high, she smiles at every person who walks by, she is kind, she is warm, she puts herself out there as if she has never felt hurt before, who would know the women being the smile. Who would guess the struggles she faces, the hurts she has endured, the pain she has felt, the worthlessness she fights with daily. The soul that wants and yearns to be loved, yet does not want to be crushed by another. She doesn’t want to fight for love, she wants someone to fight for her, she doesn’t want to compete for love, she wants to be loved for the real her. The real her the one no one sees behind the smile. She wants someone to help put her insecurities to rest and reassure her when she feels like the weight of the world is about to make her buckle. She wants someone to hold her up when the weight becomes too much, who will make her feel protected from those that seek to hurt her. She wants to love without reserve, without worry, and without fear. She wants others to see her for the real her, not the shell they see on the outside. Maybe they wouldn’t talk about her, they wouldn’t want to do things to make her feel small, maybe the would see that just like them she faces her own demons, her own struggles and fights a battle with insecurity as well. If they could see her heart, and hear her mind, if they could see her pain and her scars on the outside, they would not even recognize her, they wouldn’t need to feel jealous, they would not feel that desire to make her hurt, they would not feel the need to make her compete for her love, they would see she too is just like them. She just choses to carry the weight differently. She choses to put herself out there, she choses to be vulnerable to others, she choses to smile, she choses to try to walk in confidence although it’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world. She tries to be brave, she tries to be bold and she tries to build others up because she knows what its like to be torn down. She too is human, with wants and needs, with the desire to be loved and accepted and to be good enough just like you.

This is the soul no one sees of a person. People are so self-seeking, self gratifying, and self-serving that they tend to lose the soul of another. They get wrapped up in their wants in needs, their opinions and their thoughts and how they view it, when yet they don’t see how another struggles. What seems pointless or not even logical can be soul crushing for another. They allow that person to crush under the weight of their thoughts and opinions, we tend to push people past their breaking point because we are caught up in how we feel and not for a moment putting ourselves in another’s shoes to see what they feel. We crush people’s spirits, instead of being there to help them rise and helping them face their giants, we allow our opinions and our own needs to get in the way. What we feel is stupid could be a matter of live and death for another. We all our unique, we all fight our own battles, we all have matters of the heart no one can understand, yet we don’t take the time to try to understand, we don’t take the time to empathize with what someone is facing. We go about how we have always lived, blind to the hurt the soul next to us feels, blind to the fact our actions could actually be causing someone else soul unbearable hurt, and making them feel hopeless, pushing them further and further into the dark, making the wonder how they can continue forward when it seems so much easier to give up. We continue to get caught up in how we feel and think about things, we discount their feels, their hurts and their values because they don’t align with ours. We put our needs and wants first. We don’t want to admit our faults, we don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable to another persons hurt, we don’t want to empathize with another, it takes too much energy, it could cause us to be raw and real, it will point our faults, it could be too painful to see that maybe our actions could be causing the hurt. So we just go about our busy lives, doing what we have always done, never thinking twice, and not wanting to be raw and real after all that takes to much courage. Yet that courage could be what makes another person blossom instead of self destruct.

We wonder why the world has become as it has. We have the lost the value of another person soul and life. Another persons happiness and joy. We have lost sight of the things that matter, as long as we are out there to get what we what, when we want it, how we want it and that it brings us our own self-satisfaction, then nothing else seems to matter. When we want attention, we seek it elsewhere, it doesn’t matter if you are married or the other person is married, it is the moment, and you are getting what you want even despite what you know is right or wrong, you want money, you will take and rob another because you are getting what you want. We chose our careers, money, fun, toys, titles, material things over the life of another. We chose to destroy the ones we love because they are not fully meeting our needs so we seek it elsewhere, yet never wanting to put the work and the effort into making it happen right where you need it because that would be too much work and energy when you can easily obtain it elsewhere.

We have all been called to love one another and yet try to love ourselves as well. The things we do to others is not because we love ourselves but because we do not love ourselves. We only seek to serve ourselves. Loving another and being real and raw is to risky because we are not proud of who we are, what we have done, or what we do, so we don’t want to be real. It’s easier to take what is not ours or has not been earned than for anyone to see you for the mistakes you have made. You see people who are kind and giving of themselves freely as weak, yet you are mistaken because it is that which takes true courage, to be real, be raw, share your weakness, admit to your mistakes and still have enough courage to go out and love someone with out limits and at the expense of your own happiness just to turn around and let that person destroy you. Shattered you gather up all the pieces and try again to find that you the same disappointment in it day after day. Remember what things you think might be easy to face and deal with are easy for you but are soul crushing to another. Learn to be kind and compassionate.

After all, you don’t truly know a person soul. Maybe you have allowed someone to share their soul with you but until you can actually take your opinions, your life experiences, your feelings out of it, you will never feel the depth of another’s soul. The only way to truly know the soul of another is to going it to it with the only focus to be is how that person feels and what brings them pain and what brings them joy without the thought of how you would feel or what you would do, how you would deal with it or handle it or saying I don’t see what the big deal is.  Learn empathy. Don’t under-estimate the courage it takes for someone to fight their own battles or to even face the world daily and definitely don’t try to crush them while they are down, it’s not empowering, and it does not make you better than another.

 

 

 

 

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