The Lonely Side to Empaths
It’s the feeling again
The one you wish that would never surface
It’s the feeling where you can feel the weight of the world
The weight of emotions that surround you
It’s the feeling that you feel so deeply for all the pain around you
All the suffering
The unfairness, the unjust
It’s that feeling that for no reason in particular you can just cry
You cry for the family who has lost a loved one
You cry for the child who dreams of having a home and stability
You cry for people to just be kind to one another
You cry for the selfishness of others who are missing out on what life is about
You cry for those souls who have never had love yet are so afraid of it, they chose the emptiness or shallowness
That feel that your heart hurts
The world swirls in conflict
Those who love to seek it
The chaos of the world continues to grow as humans decide they thrive on it more than a kind favor or a kind act.
The air becomes unbreathable as you gasp for air as you swallow the pain around you.
You want to be selfish
You want to be able to stand for what you believe in
You want to say the words that may not always be agreeable or filtered
Yet then this overwhelming feeling of putting yourself in the shoes of every person
Invades your bravery and courage
You question the words you should say as you don’t want to hurt someone,
You question if standing up for what you believe will impact the other person in a negative way
You question if hurting another is worth you standing for you and what you believe.
And after you have run it thru every filter in you are defeated and it’s not worth speaking or standing for.
It’s so easy to be kind to others but not yourself
Its so easy to put others needs before your own
It’s so easy to give grace when grace is needed but not to your own faults.
What a defeating process
And in the end leaves you feeling quite alone.
There are a million feelings to process not just your own.
You can’t understand why no one understands you or gets you
You try to express those feelings but they don’t come out quite as you think them.
What you want to say to them you can’t because you are processing what that other person may feel or think.
You always invalidate yourself as you try to validate everyone around you.
You strive to save the world around
See the beauty in others even when you can see right thru to the ugly too
You desire to have courage more than anything but the feelings of others always infers
They hurt you
And yet you find it in your heart to show them kindness because you don’t want to be the person who makes them feel as they made you feel.
You are good at forgiveness yet you continue to throw yourself into the flames because you want to believe that kindness exists.
You live by example of showing kindness even if times do not cause for it.
But if you are close to an empath, you will see the sadness can begin to erode them when conflict and sadness become consuming.
We live a lonely life as no one can quite understand our hearts, not even phanthom the emotions and feelings that are processed thru on a daily basis of just living.
The battles you think are worth fighting are hard to fight when you just want to be the peacemaker
The chaos around you begins to drown you when all you want is shine for others yet their craziness drowns it out as it seems better to be quiet in the corner than to cause any more commotion to the chaos.
Its not that you are weak
You just care to much
You care to much for others and their feelings
You don’t want to be all the things that bring you that overwhelming feeling of sadness, hurt, chaos and conflict.
You want to be different yet you find out different is where you are alone.
You cry out to the one who has made you so soft
Yet you still struggle to understand
Why all these feelings?
Why all this hurt?
Why can’t this heart be hard? Even for a month for some respite for the daily struggles of feelings
Why can’t I just not care so much?
Why can’t I just not try so hard?
Why can’t I just let go and not feel anything anymore?
Why? Why?? Why?
God I want to do your will but this is harder than I ever imagined
To walk and love in empathy when the world feeds off pain, opinions, judgement, chaos and self entitlement.
When you say we are refined by fire I can grasp that to a full concept of my being.
There are days I feel like I am walking into fire and the heat is so much I don’t know how to withstand it
The days of feeling the true happiness and joys of others is becoming more sparse.
People put on a show and a façade to hide who they are and what they feel
The gift I have been cursed with me allows me to see that too.
It makes my heart so conflicted because I want to see the best in them and also can see the worst in them.
My gift is to show them the best in them yet sometimes that conflicts with my own feelings and emotions especially being able to see both sides.
I walk in grace no matter how someone hurts me
I smile at them and offer them my hand even though I know they will betray me.
Lord, please help me learn to manage this gift I view as a curse.
Lord please quiet my heart enough to hear the purpose of this really lame heart of mine.
Lord please give me the holy spirit to guide me in discernment for the amount of feelings I can feel.
Lord I beg of you to help me learn to use this gift as you have intended it to be used.
Please God, my father, help me to be as you have created me to be.
To Trust that whatever that looks like that I can walk in faith, without questions, with grace, joy and ready to whatever it is you are calling me to do
Even if it means hurting, even if it means oceans of tears, even if it means letting go of anything and everything I thought my life should be.
Lord, please hear this cry, mold me to use this gift how you want.
I feel like my gift is out of control, bouncing all over the place, draining me of joy, draining me of life.
I know that is not what you want for me but I have heard your word that you will not harden my heart. When I pray for a hard heart you make it softer.
I want to be your light and your gift of love, direct me in the way you want to use me and I will follow
Thank you for the ability to see beauty and walk with the broken, refine me so I can do better and better.
Help me to be the best person I can be in you. Help me to not be worried what others say or how others view me and only concerned with what you say and how you view me.